You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize