you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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