gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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