I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
