The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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