I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
