I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
