woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
