Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So. Much. Porn.
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