I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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