Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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