so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize