Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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