Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
