I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize