Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
