This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
