apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I will pee on everything he values.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
