My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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