I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
