so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
