New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize