Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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