You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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