yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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