3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
