Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize