I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
