Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
