can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
