whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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