you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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