i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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