Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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