I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
