u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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