I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
