some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
