Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize