No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
