I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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