Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
