people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So vagazzling was a success
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize