Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
