And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
