When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
