Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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