I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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