last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize