And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
