Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
