He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
