Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize