Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
