he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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