he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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