and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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