My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
