Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
