in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
