the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
