at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize