she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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