She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
