How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
