I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
