Don't you send me to vm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
