Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A+ Viking dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
