Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
