eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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