Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
do nipples grow back?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
