Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
