I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
