you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
