They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
