K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize