he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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