Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
