why didn't you poke me back
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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