Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
