Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
