apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
