I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
