i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
