they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
