margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
