my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We left the knife in your bed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
