I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
