Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
