ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
