now i know why i became what i already was.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
