Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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