i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
