i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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