This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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