It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what day is it and did you see me today?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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