I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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