I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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